Valentines Day

Well, it's my first Valentine's Day in which I've been single since 8th grade. It's remarkable how normal this day is for non-couples. So, my friend is over her bf's college and I can't help but feel this way. I hate it. I don't want to worry or whatever, but that "Maybe" to if she's spending the night bothers me. I don't want her to feel bad about telling me anything, especially if she's excited about it. I want her to be happy, truly, not just for a night or a moment.

I went to the Spiritual center to clear my head. God is definitely watching out for me. I walk into the chapel and there's an abandoned guitar there waiting for me. It was wonderful. It was also one of the first times I've ever been able to start plucking new stuff, not just all the covers I've learned. It was a wonderful stress releaver.

Swing went well! I learned the moves quickly and I performed the exercises well, but when it came to free dance, I was awful. Once they said that we could dance however we wanted, I knew I was going to end it all on a sour note. But I'll try again! I had fun. I need to relax more and open up. I'm quite the introvert compared to yesterday.

Ah yesterday! Free Hug Day! I gave over 120 hugs in 3 hours, mostly to strangers. It was wonderful. I felt confident and peaceful after. It was great.

Thank God for Heather. I love her so. She is a great sister. I'm gonna call Nicole, she'll make me smile.

Thanks for listening!

-A.T.D.

I'm sick of it

I'm sick of being ignored and used. DAMN IT! GA!! I just spent 10 minutes being screamed at on the phone, which made me feel great, then an hour texting and supporting and helping you and you got off! And you can relax! And I'm here to help. Oh. No I'm not. I'm here to be ignore again. To get one word every 5 minutes. To not get a single thank you. I've waited DAYS to talk to you. Why did I expect anything better than your usual "Best friend but bottom priority act". I should get `mad. I AM mad. I should tell you. I'm sick of it. You're upset and I don't want to bring you down because you love life. But I'm sick of it. You're tearing me down.

Welcome and Weddings

Well. I've been meaning to start an "inner-thoughts" blog for a while, and it isn't for anybody for me right now. To keep myself sane and my faith straight. Without further adieu...

Couple Saves First Kiss for Wedding

I found this story on the news site I use called Newser. I admire this couple greatly. To no extent. I also have full confidence that they will and do have a happier and healthier relationship than I may ever have (not for lack of trying). But I cannot help but be bothered by the fact that this makes the news.

Recently and slightly still I have been wrestling with my sexuality morals. I used to be super strict, stressed-out, stern. I drove people away because of it. "Virtue Lies in the Middle". I've slowly been loosening up, not that I've really been able to test myself being recently and repeated single-ized, but I've been coping with where to stop. I, of course, realize I am so naive that the farthest I would go if I went 'nuts' and didn't hold back is child's play compared to what it could be. But I am very proud of that. Because I see a huge obsession and misdirection in this world about love. To the point where not kissing makes the news because it's so radical and different.

I'm not saying that affection is wrong, that expressing love is wrong. Giving and receiving that feeling of closeness, of belonging, of bliss is so wonderful. But there are some things you should only experience with one person. Some 'gifts' that you have to give and share and receive that need to be cherished and waited for.

I am overwhelmed with this feeling that soon it will be a sparse few of us left who are still waiting. Who are still innocent. Who are still naive. And it terrifies me. That no one is standing up, no one is drawing lines, every one is just giving in. On the spot, in the moment, in their habits, in planned situations. I am no exception. But I want to be.

I want to draw the line. I want to be the exception. Because if no one else will stand up against guilt, against grief, against heartbreak, against lust, against false love, against objectifying, against regret, against getting away easy; and stand up for honesty, for humility, for patience, for hope, for team work, for nobility, for chivalry, for reason, for saving and giving, for love...

I will.

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. LaLuz! I pray that I am not the only one affected by you achievement.

Just to make sure...

Here's another test post.

Yeah.

Exciting.

This is a Test for My Job

I'm really sorry to do this to you all. I really am. But I need a place to test! I promise, One day I'll get it together, delete this and start a REAL blog. No promises though.

• Now I'm just
• Gonna throw a few
• bullets in here...

That's good... um... Maybe a picture? Nope... not working... Ok...

Let's just... Go then, huh?

Oh! One of these!

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